Unfulfilled Bailing plans

 


(18/10/25; 2:42 am)

I had bailing plans, but they never did make it to my diary. And when I thought they'd finally do, something interrupted sneakily and I completely forgot. It wasn't that I couldn't bring the plans to be, It was more like I wouldn't bring them to be. For when I made those plans, a teeny tiny dot in me knew they might not be but I focused solely on what I hoped would be instead. Maybe it was the anger of the moment, but I sure wasn't one to take decisions because of anger. It was more for the fun of it - The fun of doing something no one expects of me; The fun of rebelling at what a lot of people consider important; The fun in having a sense of punishment for a certain lacked achievement. However, I couldn't bring myself to this fun so another fun came instead. It started with my girls - The fun of having to spend the last school moment with them. Then on God - The fun of being grateful even if all didn't go as planned. Then it went on to family - The fun of sitting at a tent table during the celebration with them. Then it came to me, It came to me just a day before for I was grumpy about it until just the day before. It came to me rather vainly, the kind of vanity I would never consider fun - The fun of attending a cooperate party, dressed pretty amongst my course mates, laughing because after all, we're graduates. The fun lasted till the morning of the event, and as soon as I got a seat in the hall, I wondered why my plans never came through. I blamed it mostly on my inability to put it down in my diary. Not that I couldn't - for I indeed began it - I just didn't. And so I spent the whole of the hall ceremony at the back, sadly playing township and seeing a movie I cannot currently remember. I was only interested in the dramatic parts where the Dean of my faculty came up and the alumni oath. Now, I have no thoughts, as I often do not after an event as passed. I'm neither sad nor happy that I attended it, I have no thoughts on if the day should have gone better or worse. But I'm alright. After all, I've graduated, much more to the Glory of God!

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